Lovin’ then leavin
T writes in and asks:
Why do guys feel they can love u up and leave your ass out 2 dry?…they say they wanna b with u and all of a sudden they dnt have shit 2 say they dnt call and then they ask u 2 be FRIENDS???…that shit is crazy please answer me that! THANK YOU!
Here are some reasons that Men love and leave (not in order of importance):
- Because sex was easy to accomplish. You guys had sex too quick or it wasn’t great.
- He has or always had another woman. His heart was in another place or all over the place.
- He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. He wanted to have fun and it got too serious.
- He got another offer. If he wasn’t sure about you, another woman may have proved to be more compelling.
- Maybe he didn’t like what he saw when he got to know you. Self Explanatory. Are you a good match for him? You were either too much of something or too little.
- Your or his baggage. Past issues that are unresolved.
- Less effort to just leave than to stay. After sex, there is less reason for him to pursue you. (see no. 1)
- You moved to fast. Talk of getting an apartment together, having kids or more kids than you already have, etc too early is scary. Don’t do it.
- Sometimes its just what men do. Some are in it for the hunt and chase.
I tried to be straight up about this as much as possible. The real question seems to be:
- What are you doing about it?
- How long are you going to wallow in it and not move on?
I know it takes a while to get over hurt but trust me he has probably moved on unless he suffers from Reason no. 6.
So the best thing to do is think about how things went and what you can learn from it. Try to remain positive and get involved in positive things that will benefit you.
Bottom line. Don’t be a victim. Eventually the right guy will come along and will make every indiscretion forgettable.
Hope that helps.
September 9th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
In regard to the above response to the posted question, I believe men sometimes find it all too easy to just bow out of situations such as this. I’m not saying that all the reasons that were given are not valid ones, however, with men sometimes they don’t seem to even want to stick around long enough to lay out reasons as to why a potential situation may not work out. Maybe if more men explained why they don’t want to be involved with a particular female, then maybe women wouldn’t constantly be left guessing, or dangling by a string of doubt. If a guy feels that, hey, yeah, we had fun but things are moving to fast or he’s not ready for a relationship, or he’s just plain not feeling this person in that way, then damnit he should say so. This “method” of communicating is the most simple, and easy way to prevent what I like to call wasting time.
October 7th, 2007 at 11:31 am
The other thing is, speaking woman to woman, we sometimes train or condition men to give us less.
What I mean is if we accept him being late all the time, why should he get there on time?
Another example, I knew a young lady who LOVED this guy. Everyone around her knkow and told her he was no good but yet she stayed with him. She eventually became pregnant. She stayed with him, though she at this point KNEW he was cheating. She went to a check up and found out the he’d given her an STD.
She, through her actions, or lack there of, trained him to believe his behavior was okay.
I say all that to say this. Not all men are the relationship/ marring type. Not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever. That’s why we, in general, should take our time such that we come out of the situation better informed and less damaged.
October 11th, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Some times a man does realize that he is in over his head, maybe the woman is too grown up for him, and eventually he would have to rise to the occassion to maintain, and sometimes walking away is much easier than learning to function in a relationship that maybe beyond his maturity growth.
October 15th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
so…. have u ever done this to anyone and if so….WHAT WAS UR REASON? WAS IT ALL OF THE ABOVE? (your reasons sound a little personal care to elaborate?)
October 16th, 2007 at 7:11 am
Not to put my own personal biz out there but I have experienced one or more of these reasons to not get too deep with someone.
Its just gets harder and harder, because as you get older you get more responsible (or you should get more responsible)… and you don’t want to really hurt anyone for selfish reasons.
So as of late, I have been less inclined to get involved with someone on any level if I know I got:
A: Other things going on, or
B: Someone else in my life.
October 20th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
I think CasuAL makes a decent point. If you know you haven’t got the time, energy or desire to become deeply involved don’t. Don’t look for people that are interested in something serious. If you are only in the market for a good time then just have a good time responsibly.